Sunday, June 28, 2009

Oxymoron for morons!

The following poem, is an example of a oxy moron or more a series of oxy morons. Quite seriously silly really but never the less, very entertaining.

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Are we the smartest folk?

Somebody shared the following story with me..................apocryphal I assume, but still, illuminating.....

The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."

Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."

The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"

Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"

Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.
Then I sell him medium fishhook.
Then I sell him large fishhook.
Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.

I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.

Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."

Indians are amazingly resilient and inventive, in getting around problems to reach a goal, that is when somebody else has set a clear goal. I'm afraid, we are not too good, in uncertain situations and when we are to set our own goals and achieve them.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Nature can be cruel!

The other day a young colleague of mine, was talking about a recent aeroplane journey that she experienced. Apparently the weather was poor and I suspect she was travelling by a propeller driven aircraft, causing severe turbulence and discomfort.

A pitching aircraft, effects people differently. For me, I freeze in my seat and my palms break out into a cold sweat.This after having flown for the last twenty years all over the world. My colleague continued that her fellow passenger, opened a copy of the 'Hanuman Chalisa' and began chanting shlokas.

This comment took me back several years to my own experience with the 'Chalisa'. The year was 1998.My ship was at Kandla Port, on the Gujarat coast when we were hit by a cyclone the eye of which passed right over the port.

The devastation was, massive. Ships were damaged, port property destroyed and human lives lost in thousands. Following the devastation, the authorities, feared an epidemic, as rotting corpses, lay around on land as well as on the sea. Disposal of the dead was taken up on a war footing and bodies were burnt on a continuous basis.

The acrid smell of burning bodies & destruction, took many of us to a psychological low, though our ship escaped with minimal damage.

A friend & I would venture out, once in a way, and my friend, a firm believer in ghosts and such would chant the 'Hanuman Chalisa', while glancing over his shoulder, in fear. Fear being contagious I too would chant, along with him.

Harking back, I guess the sight would have been a funny one. Two folk, moving at a healthy clip, in the dark,chanting the Hanuman Chalisa, at a rising decibel level.Except that the dead were fiery farewell all around. Over the years the fear of ghosts has gone but I have retained the habit of chanting the 'Chalisa'.

To give you an idea of nature's fury, let me tell you what I went through. The wind gusted to 250 Km/Hr, in driving rain, the visibility was almost zero. Tidal waves of up to 35 feet lashed the ship in all direction. Wind that blows at that speed, literally howls and believe me is frightening.

The experience taught me the Hanuman Chalisa and also gave me a healthy respect for nature.

I wonder how pilots deal with turbulence? Coming from a similar background I can tell you that men in command, generally have their heart in their mouth, but train to appear calm. I guess it goes with the turf.

As to my young colleague & her flight she made a safe landing and is back at work.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Beating the retreat!

Yesterday, I was, at the Oxford Book Store, at Jayanagar. A warm, cute place, where you can browse books and sip coffee.Life looked wonderful, amidst Wodehouse, Ludlum,Orczy and such, till three gents, in shorts and all strode in.
I do not as a rule eavesdrop on others conversation, but the folk in question were so loud and animated that I could not help but hear that they were, running a business and were erstwhile employees of the biggest IT firms at Bangalore.
After ordering their cuppa of coffee, they got down to serious discussion, on a business deal, at a fairly advanced decibel level. I found the behaviour bizarre, as this was a place to browse books and not hold business meetings, but then who cares.
Unable to concentrate, I beat a retreat and made my way to 'Iyengar's second Hand Book Shop' at Banashankari. The place has got a multitude, of books, in various stages, of confusion, with Ramanna, placed in the centre, sitting on a raised chair. I was a little amused as he reminded me of Hanuman sitting on a extended tail, from the movie Sampurna Ramayana ( A Telugu classic of the 1970's). Digressing, a tad, the movie mentioned, was my all time favourite, since it extended for four hours and it would be a break from studies, when I was a kid. Also, due to its religious theme, it was considered 'good' to watch.
After a short while and fit of sneezing, I realized that the dust at the old book shop, was not doing me very good, so I moved on.
Not a very productive day for books and book shops!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The permanence of impermanence.

While in Sri Lanka, one Sunday morning, my wife & I set off for Central Lanka, from Colombo. We were on on our way to Si Giriya. I've been to a few forts in India, but this one took my breath away. The logistics of building the fort on a hill must have been stupendous, just because mounting the hill by means of a ladder was difficult and frightening. My wife refused to climb further halfway and needed much persuasion to get to the summit.

The fort, much of it gone now, is surrounded by lush gardens. Si Giriya is a monument that depicts ambition, greed and a lust for power. Importantly it stands testimony to good triumphing over evil.

Most of all it shows the permanence of impermanence.

A brief history reads as follows, Sigiriya (Lion's rock) is an ancient rock fortress and castle/palace ruin situated in the central Matale District of Sri Lanka, surrounded by the remains of an extensive network of gardens, reservoirs, and other structures. It is a popular tourist destination, also known for its ancient paintings, very similar to those in the Ajanta Caves of India. The Sigiraya was built during the reign of King Kassapa I (AD 477 – 495), and it is one of the seven World Heritage Sites of Sri Lanka.
Sigiriya may have been inhabited through prehistoric times. It was used as a rock-shelter mountain monastery from about the 5th century BC, with caves prepared and donated by devotees to the Buddhist Sangha. The garden and palace were built by King Kasyapa. Following King Kasyapa's death, it was again a monastery complex up to about the 14th century, after which it was abandoned. The ruins were discovered in 1907 by British explorer John Still. The ancient historical record of Sri Lanka, describes King Kasyapa as the son of King Dhatusena. Kasyapa murdered his father by walling him alive and then usurping the throne which rightfully belonged to his brother Mogallana, Dhatusena's son by the true queen. Mogallana fled to India to escape being assassinated by Kasyapa but vowed revenge. In India he raised an army with the intention of returning and retaking the throne of Sri Lanka which was rightfully his. Knowing the inevitable return of Mogallana, Kasyapa is said to have built his palace on the summit of Sigiriya as a fortress and pleasure palace. Mogallana finally arrived and declared war. During the battle Kasyapa's armies abandoned him and he committed suicide by falling on his sword. Chronicles and lore say that the battle-elephant on which Kasyapa was mounted changed the course just to get to a better fighting position/place but the army misinterpreted it as the King fleeing. Thereafter the army abandoned the king altogether. Moggallana returned the capital to Anuradapura and turned Sigiriya into a monastery complex.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Yadav,Socrates and Women!

The women's reservation bill, is once again at a cross roads, thanks to Sharad Yadav. While the rest of the nation, particularly woman clamor for the bill, which would reserve one third of the seats in the Lok Sabha & State Legislature for them, Yadav stands firm in his opposition.

He has since clarified that he opposes the bill in its present form & wants a quota within a quota. Not stopping short he has compared himself to Socrates in his willingness to die by poison. Socrates was administered poison. I'm not certain anybody would do Yadav the favor within parliament.

Women in India are a beleaguered lot. As an exercise lets see why by drawing up a laundry list.

  1. Women are worshipped as Saraswati, but most girl children are not allowed primary schooling.
  2. Women are worshipped as Shakti, but female infanticide is rampant.
  3. Women are worshipped as Lakshmi, but very few have any kind of economic freedom.
  4. Women are worshipped as Durga but face domestic violence as a matter of routine.
  5. Dowry deaths are a horror which refuses to go away.
  6. Daughters are routinely discriminated against, in many homes, in reference to sons, as a practice which run contrary to our constitutional laws.
  7. As a rule, women are eve teased, harassed and molested in a great many of our cities.
  8. Workplace discrimination against woman is rampant and a definite glass ceiling exists.
  9. Only woman suffer honor killings in certain communities.

The list is off the cuff and I can list many more points with some thought.

The sign of a civilized society is that which learns to treat all its people with respect & dignity. I'm sure India does not want to go down as a nation of bullies in following Yadav's call to oppose the bill.

Woman in India are grossly under represented in politics and unless this changes, rapidly, the lot of woman is not going to improve and this is sure to have a multiplier effect on our development.

Men at large in India must understand that a woman is his equal in all spheres of life. This can occur only if woman are politically and economically emancipated. No amount of talk in this direction is going to help. Its time we jettison hypocrisy.

For once, I thought, Manmohan Singh, had showed some spine, but with the ambivalent statements that have followed I'm not certain that we are going to see this bill going on to be part of our constitution.

I'm not certain I'm going to be around to see woman get full emancipation in this country, but I hope my son sees it happen.........................

I wonder what Yadav's wife has to say about all the commotion?

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Fear is the key............

What is the emotion that is readily visible & transmitted most easily? Is it love, joy, happiness,sorrow or fear? All powerful emotions and I'm sure many of us have experienced the full gamut of emotions listed above, at one point or the other.

In my experience, I found that fear was an emotion that was most easily discernible amongst people. You may hide the felling, you may mask it or you may camouflage fear but it shows.......

Sometimes you can smell fear. You may wonder, why I'm talking about fear and I would like to state at the outset that I'm offering no solutions a to how to deal with this fore most debilitating emotion.

I witnessed fear on a large scale when in Cambodia Or Kampuchea, as it is called today. I felt that every person was ready to stand at attention and salute if even talked to sternly.

The Khmer Rouge, had been vanquished but its legacy of fear remained. Cambodia was and continues to be a poor, under developed nation, but though I did not see poverty on the scale that one sees in India, what I did notice was that people lived in terrible fear, fear of the unknown, fear for the safety of their families, fear that Pol Pot and his Khmer Rouge would return to haunt them. Fear that the world had forsaken the people of Cambodia.

Who were these folk who inspired such fear and who was Pol Pot, who belongs to the pantheon of other Mass Murderers like Attila the Hun, Hitler, Stalin and Mao?

Pol Pot, who became responsible for the deaths of over two million of his own people, was born Saloth Sar in a small Cambodian village about 140 kilometers north of Phnom Penh. His date of birth is uncertain although French records give it as May 25, 1928. At age six he went to live with his brother at the Royal household in Phnom Penh. Here he learned Buddhist precepts and discipline. At age eight he went to a Catholic primary school, where he remained for six years. It was here that he picked up the basics of Western culture, as well as the French language.
In 1949, Pol Pot went to study in Paris on a government scholarship. It was here that he got his introduction to Communism, joining the French Communist Party. After four years of exposure to Stalinist Communism he returned to Cambodia in 1953. Within a month he had joined the Communist resistance, becoming a member of the Indochina Communist Party (IHC) which was dominated by the Viet Minh.
The 1954 Cambodian elections saw the Communists throw in support with the Democrats. The Democrats were soundly defeated, however, by the incumbent Government of Prince Sihanouk who now held absolute power. Pol Pot now took up a post as a teacher in a private college. He also spent his time recruiting the educated classes to the Communist cause. The Government, however, began a Communist crackdown and Pol Pot was forced to flee to the Jungles near the Vietnam border to avoid arrest. For the next seven years he would spend his time in the Cambodian jungle hiding from the police.
Over the ensuing years the communists bided their time as they built up their strength for a take-over attempt. They were bolstered by the North Vietnamese who were waging warfare against the Cambodian Government. A major Vietnamese victory in 1971 allowed the Communists to take control of certain areas of the country. In 1973 the communists launched a major attack on the Government but this was halted by American bombing. A final Communist assault began on January 1, 1975. This time they were victorious. On April 17, Communist forces entered Phnom Penh. Within 24 hours they had ordered the entire city evacuated. This process was repeated in other cities resulting in more than 2 million Cambodians being forced out of their homes. Many of them starved to death.
Pol Pot was now Prime Minister of Cambodia, which he promptly renamed Kampuchea. In August, 1976 he unveiled his Four Year Plan, which detailed the collectivisation of agriculture, the nationalization of industry and the financing of the economy through increased agricultural exports. This plan caused untold misery to the nation with many thousands dying in the paddy fields. Crops needed to feed the population were marked for export. Malnutrition was rampant, made worse by the Communist insistence on traditional Cambodian medicine. Pol Pot also started the infamous S-21 interrogation center where more than 20,000 men, women and children were tortured to death.
Throughout 1976 and ’77 skirmishes with Vietnam continued. In December 1977 The Vietnamese made real inroads in Kampuchea. Pol Pot, however, held on for another year. By January, 1979 the Vietnamese forces had actually reached Phnom Penh. The Kampuchean Government fled by train while Pol Pot was taken by helicopter to Thailand. His last public appearance was an interview in December 1979. For the next 19 years he remained in exile in the Thai jungle. Pol Pot died in 1998.

What was I doing in this part of South East Asia? Well, my wife & I, were there to have a look at the famed Angkor Wat. The Angkor Wat, is the largest temple in the world and dedicated to Lord Vishnu, though now it doubles as a place of worship for the Buddhists. As a little boy I had seen a picture of the temple and it had fascinated me since. I had determined that I would see, the famed monument one day.

My secret fear was the many unidentified explosive mines that still dot the countryside in this part of the world and a second issue was food of the vegetarian variety. Fortunately we encountered no mines and almost immediately on landing in Siem Riep, ran into Sharma's Vegetarian Restaurant. Sharmaji served us wonderful Aloo Paratha, and found regular visitors, in us.The Indian diaspora is amazing.

The hotel we stayed in was constructed almost entirely of teak wood & was breathtaking in its beauty. By entirely I mean that even the soap dishes were made of wood!

Angkor Wat & Angkor Thom are two of the must see places, for any person and Cambodia is one country I would like to visit again and I'm sure the fear quotient would have now reduced.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Titanic..........revisited

A couple of days ago, the last living passenger, of the ship Titanic, died a peaceful death in what I presume to be the comfort of her bed.
Many of her fellow passengers were not so fortunate and ended up in watery graves, beneath icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean.
The Titanic was a legend, in the true sense and enthralls many of us to this day. Being a seafarer I'm fascinated by the fact that a ship of such scale and luxury was conceptualized, built and launched. The Titanic was luxury on an unprecedented scale.
The brief history of the Titanic are as follows:

The history of the Titanic began at a dinner party in a London mansion in 1907. Then, J. Bruce Ismay, managing officer of the White Star Line, a prominent ship operating company, and Lord James Pirrie devised plans to build three magnificent ships that would set a new standard for luxury and elegance. The first two would be named Olympic and Titanic while the third, to be built later, would be the Britannic. The White Star Line started production on the Olympic in December of 1908, while work on the Titanic started the following March. The Titanic included amenities that many of its passengers had never enjoyed in their own homes, such as electric light and heat in every room. The size and splendor of the Titanic quickly established the ship as a legend, even before the first voyage. The Titanic was officially launched from Southampton, England, on April 10, 1912. While the ship carried more than 2,200 passengers and crew, Titanic was equipped with only 16 lifeboats, with a capacity of 1,708. The White Star Line had decided to use only half the number of boats the Titanic could carry in order to alleviate what was referred to as a "cluttered" feeling on the main deck of the ship. The Titanic sailed first to Cherbourg, France, to pick up additional passengers, and then to Queenstown, Ireland, before setting out to sea for the transatlantic voyage to New York. The first three days of the voyage passed without incident, while the fourth did not. Although the Titanic had received five ice warnings throughout the day on April 14, Captain Edward Smith decided not to slow down and continued on at 21 knots (25 mph). At 11:40 PM, lookout Fred Fleet spotted an iceberg and notified the bridge. First Officer William Murdoch then ordered the ship turned hard to port and the engine room was signaled to reverse direction. The ship did move slightly, but could not avoid the iceberg, which tore a 300 feet-long hole in the ship, causing compartments to begin filling with water. Twenty-five minutes after the crash, the ships officers ordered the lifeboats uncovered and began preparing the passengers and crew for evacuation. The first lifeboat was launched twenty minutes after the orders were given. Despite having a carrying capacity of 68, the first lifeboat launched with only 28 passengers. When the last boat launched, there were more than 1,500 passengers left on board. The lifeboats contained mostly women and children. However, J. Bruce Ismay managed to escape by sneaking onto one of the last lifeboats. At approximately 2:10 AM, the stern, or rear of the ship, rose out of the water and shortly thereafter the weight of the raised stern caused the ship to split in two. The bow, or front of the ship, slowly sunk as the stern settled back into the water. Then, the stern filled with water until it disappeared into the ocean. More than 1,500 souls were lost in the "greatest maritime disaster in history". Many attempts have been made to find the wreck of the Titanic, yet it wasn't until 1985, when an expedition combining teams from IFREMER and Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute discovered the famous ship. The team, led by Robert Ballard and Jean-Luis Martin, took the first photographs of the Titanic in 73 years. More than 90 years later, people continue to be fascinated with the Titanic. The disaster and its survivors have been the subject of four movies, a Broadway musical and countless books. The movie Titanic, written and directed by James Cameron, is the most expensive film ever made and in 1998 it won 11 Academy Awards. The Titanic recently made headlines again in 2001, when a New York couple announced they would be wed in a deep-sea submersible at the Titanic gravesite.

The sinking of the Titanic was an unmitigated disaster, where safety was jettisoned for satisfying personal ego's. Speeding at 21 Knots, on a transatlantic voyage, where icebergs are the rule rather than the exception, is criminally dangerous. A ship of the Titanic's size, cruising at 21 Knots, would require a good two miles to come to a halt, even if the engines were stopped and reversed under emergency.
It was also a time when electronic navigation was not in vogue and radar's had not made an appearance on ships. What it means is that ships were totally dependant on look outs who were placed on platforms, top of the mast, called a crow's nest,to sight navigation hazards and then warn the bridge or navigation centre below.
In the case of the Titanic the lookouts were tardy and was a small cause for the eventual accident. The larger issue would be Capt.Smith, not taking adequate safety measures and paid a heavy price with the loss of his ship and life.

The buck literally stopped with him & on ships, that is how it is............................You put your money, where your mouth is and learn to live without the hype & hoopla, that are seen in many organizations on land.